Independence day of Bandung (Vina Nuzulul Fitria_0706156)
Posted by 4writingt4sk on January 14, 2008
An Amazing Event Ever Year
There is always an amazing event in my lovely city, Bandung. The most amazing event is a celebration of Independence Day of Bandung. It is always held on September 19, ever year. ‘Pikiran Rakyat’, as one of the newspapers in Bandung has a great curious to hold this annual event, which means gathering with all of local people in Bandung. In this event, people walk along the streets in Bandung while enjoying the city and its valuable things are there. The event usually starts from Merdeka Building, through Braga street, Balai Kota, Landraadt, Bethel Church, and it’s finished at Gedung Sate.
This event is also held to motivate people for learning more about Bandung and its history. And in this event, people share each other and make a friend. The event is not only for adult, but also for teenage. It’s amazing event because this contains of value of education and socialization. And this event is held every year, where everyone is given a chance to join in it.
Yens said
I like the two articles you wrote, your experience in Dufan and the biography of Mr. Ripan. You wrote the stories smoothly. You seemed to know what you wanted to write. You gave detailed information on the stories. However, please, pay attention on the capitalization (the letters that u should have used in the beginning of sentences). Despite some grammatical errors, your articles are good.
Anyway, this one is not as smooth as the other two I mentioned above. It is too general. You need to specify the focus of your story. You also need to give more details on the story